Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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