My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
