I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
