Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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