if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
