wanna go halves on a baby?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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