I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
