You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
