....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
