I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
