there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My ass is underappreciated
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
