She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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