omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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