he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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