He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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