Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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