just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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