After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You pole danced in your parka.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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