We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
