If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
