I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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