Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
