I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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