youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
