i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
