you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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