it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
