You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
