Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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