Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
