Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
