he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
