Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
