I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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