if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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