apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
