Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
