R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
