just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
