false alarm. still invincible.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
