Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
