He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Girls should come with a carfax report
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
