i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
