She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize