So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize