legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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