its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
