hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
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I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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