I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
