you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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