Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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