My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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