Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
