Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
