He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
