Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
