I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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