I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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