no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
