Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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