If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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