Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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