yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
