I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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