Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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