Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
