After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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